Fantasist's Scroll

Okay, so it occurred to me that there had to be a better way.
Yeah, sure, I could talk about the evils of free porn until I’m blue in the face. I could even rant about how terrible it is to manipulate searchengines. Instead, I’m going to try and do it. Again.
Yes, again. I did it once back in 2000/2001 to get my other site ranked so highly on Google for the search terms “CNE resume” that it was the number one hit. I did all sorts of crazy things, not the least of which was start a blog, incidentally. One thing I did was look at both the Google Zeitgeist and the Yahoo Buzz Index and try to use those terms in my site. So, for instance, according to Google’s Zeitgeist, I should talk about: how I felt about the Golden Globes and who won; the fact that Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day; what Teri Hatcher was wearing at the Golden Globes; who Teri Polo is and what she wore at the Golden Globes; what NASA has thrown into space lately; what “naughtiness” Prince Harry has been up to over in the UK; detailed specs on the iPod Shuffle; the super-model antics of Naomi Campbell; the fact that Mariska Hargitay also won a Golden Globe; and how the movie “Elektra” was doing in the box office. As you can see, that first hit, the Golden Globe Awards, was a really popular one, since it was repeated in, or was effected by, several later searches.
Last week, I should have been talking about: Amber Frey, the adulterous whore who was banging Scott Peterson; the terrible damage done by the tsunami in India; how terrible it is that Ashlee Simpson was caught lip-synching; Delta Airlines for some reason; the Weather Channel coverage of that tsunami in India; Heidi Klum, because it’s always a good time to talk about Ms. Klum (and she got married to Seal); NFL player Randy Moss, presumably because he sprained his ankle; the Orange Bowl, because it’s still football season; the fact that Brad Pitt is single again; and all the cool concept cars at the Detroit Auto Show. Crazy stuff, right?

Well, according to Yahoo Buzz Index, I should have talked about some very different things this week. If I wanted to get Yahoo hits, I should have talked about: OJ Simpson’s daughter, Sydney Simpson, getting arrested; Playboy Playmate Alicia Rickter, for obvious, pornographic reasons; those nuts over at Jibjab, who made another hit animation; Enter Location, because, uh, people were travelling a lot?; actress Elisabeth Harnois, possibly for the Golden Globes again?; O.J. Simpson, because his daughter got arrested, of course; the fact that Julian Ozanne got married to Gillian Anderson and no one knows who he is, but everyone knows her from the X-files; anything and everything about actress Lucy Liu, just because, she’s Lucy Liu; the Tennesse-based music and arts festival, Bonnaroo; “How We Do” almost anything, from the sound of it; eating “Breakfast and Brunch”? Or is that more travelling stuff?; how cheap Costco Wholesale pricing is; soap-opera star Annie Parisse, most likely because she moved on to something better; the fact that Japan had another big earthquake; and Jimjab.com, which is most likely a mistake for “jibjab.com”.

Wow, those are totally different things, aren’t they? Are people who use those two different searchengines that different? Have I been losing out by optimizing for Google?
Oh, I don’t know, but I think I’m going to go have a bit of a lay-down. This whole experience has been exhausting.
(And, yes, I’ve posted this same thing on my other blog, the Diary of a Network Geek, for the same reason as the last post.)

WHAT?!?
What the devil am I doing talking about free porn on this very non-adult blog? Simple, talking about free porn is the fastest way to get hits. Sad, but true. In fact, John Dvorak has written an article about this called Free Porn Magic For You.
I used to think that the Internet had improved with age, that we’d finally gotten past all the free porn, or “pron” if you’re one of the hip, out-of-work webdesigners from the 90’s, and had moved on to something more meaningful. I guess I was wrong. If you read the article, you’ll see that what holds true from the earlier days of the Internet still, sadly, holds true today. People are looking for free porn on the Internet. Now, the hits I generally get via searches on Google, and company, aren’t filled with porn terms, movies, or “performers”, so I’m not really expecting a lot of traffic boost, but, well, it can’t hurt. Can it? You know, I’m already starting to feel a bit slimy with all that.
Damn, how else can I boost ratings on this site? For pity’s sake, I know hundreds of people hit this site on a daily and weekly basis, but I have only one sad, lonely Bloglines subscriber. Just one. Did I mention that Bloglines is a free service? And they have nice, FREE tools that let you keep up with your favorite blogs? (Aw, c’mon, subscribe to the Fantasist’s Scroll with Bloglines!) Oh, I suppose I could always just produce more content here. Yeah, that might work, too. But, well, I’d rather go with the sure thing. So, for those of you who are websurfers that got here looking for free porn, I apologize. I was just using you to drive my stats up. I hope you don’t hate me too much.
(And, yes, I talked about this on my other blog, the Diary of a Network Geek. So sue me!)

Freakish, strange and disturbing.
Perfect for a Fantasist Friday Fun link! In this case, it’s Custom Creatures, a site dedicated to “creative” taxidermy. Freakish, two-headed goats and jackelopes and things stranger still. They’re all there. Strange tortured beasts that are sure to disturb your sensibilities. At least, they upset mine, even though I found the exhibit oddly compelling.

Aw, cut me some slack, it’s Friday! Go check it out.

I got a request to share my sourcecode yesterday.
First off, I generally don’t do that because a lot of my stuff is derived from work found elsewhere anyway. Also, my code is crappy looking! I mean, I’m not a real programmer, so sometimes I do strange, circuitous things to make my code work and I’d be embrassed to let that out into the world.
Secondly, I don’t want to support that ugly code when it gets out into the world. Half the time, I can’t remember what I’ve done in the first place, much less why. And, frankly, I don’t have time to properly maintain my own website, so I certainly don’t have time to properly support someone else’s coding efforts.
Thirdly, all my stuff is coded specifically for the web. More precisely, for this website. So, certian “look-and-feel” things are done to force a match here. Also, some of my code contains things that I’d rather not make too publicly available. After all, it is what makes my site unique.

I tried to send this person a note with all that in it, but it bounced back. So, even if I’d wanted to send him my source, I couldn’t! For those of you who really, really want to make your own PERL-based language scripts, do what I did, go to Chris Pound’s Name Generator page and start with his code. That’s really all I’ve done is mangle his code for the web.
So just start with that and play around with PERL. And, of course, go read a couple of PERL books. (One good one, after you’ve gotten your feet wet, is the PERL Cookbook, but any of the O’Reilly books are great.)
Good luck!

Okay, so I’m at a bit of a cross-roads…

I have a couple of choices here. I want to move to Word Press for my blogging system, because I like it better than MovableType. And, no, not just because of the MT pricing structure, either. I like the interface and how easy it is to code up plugins for WP. The only problem is WP only supports one blog per installation. In other words, I’d have to install WP twice to host two blogs. Not a big deal, I guess, but I have this blog and a fiction blog and an idea for another blog. Of course, the fiction blog has languished somewhat, so I suppose I could just roll it into this one. I mean, I only have three or four stories and a couple of haiku. Then, I could install WP a second time for my third blog experiment, which is logical in a way…

Well, I’m not sure what I want to do, but I want to do something and soon.

New Year = New Categories

Yep, I decided it was time for a bit of a change here at the Fantasist’s Scroll. So, some of the old categories have changed their stripes and I’ve added at least one new one: Advice from the Fantasist.
Why, you ask? Well, because it’s time for this to be a little bit more fun, for one thing. And, for another… Aw, just because. Stop asking so many questions!

Okay, here’s another good one.

Though, this is very, very different from Blood Sucking Fiends. I haven’t read anything by Cory Doctrow before, but Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom won awards and has gotten great reviews, so I thought I’d try it. I have to admit, it was pretty damn good. I haven’t read much real science-fiction lately, just a bunch of fantasy, so it was a refreshing change.

The story is set in the far future where people make backup copies of their consciousness which can be downloaded into cloned bodies. This, of course, virtually eliminates death since a new clone can be grown that is much younger than the recently departed. Also, in this brave new world Doctrow has created, money has been replaced by a kind of reputation measurement called a “Whuffie”. If you have lots of Whuffie, you can get good meals at good restaurants. If you don’t have Whuffie, you can wait in line to get nutrient pap from a vending machine. So, with that in mind…
The story is set in Disney World where competing groups of “ad-hocs” (ad-hoc groups of like minded and motivated people) are trying to impose their various visions on the theme park. The story focuses on the battle for Liberty Square, in particular the Hall of Presidents and the Haunted Mansion. It’s actually a very interesting political thriller, in that sense, but always with the well-thought-out science-fiction underpinnings and, again my favorite thing, the sub-plot of human relations. It’s actually sort of hard to describe this book adaquately without giving too much away, but it’s well worth the read. It’s not funny like Blood Sucking Fiends was, but it is very engaging in a more intellectual way. And, most importantly, it was good and distracting!

In any case, it’s a good book and worth spending the money, even at this most consumer time of year.

I’ve been reading a lot of fiction lately.

But, I’m going to dole out the reviews on separate days this week!
It’s been hard to motivate myself to write relavant entries on this blog, especially when I’m writing on the other blog, so I’m milking my review entries. I had been reading a linguistics book, but the divorce thing, along with the holidays, made it just too hard to read non-fiction for a bit. So, instead, I turned to Christopher Moore’s Blood Sucking Fiends. I’ve read several of his books before and Mr. Moore never fails to delight. This was no exception.

The story, in short, is about a somewhat insecure young woman who is turned into a vampire, in San Francisco, and has to learn to cope with it. Along the way, we find out about a young writer who becomes her modern-day Renfield. We also meet a cast of characters that are truly charming, amusing and Moore-eseque. Mr. Moore has a way of creating characters that just tickles me to no end. They’re funny and tragic and real in a way that few authors seem to be able to duplicate. Oh, this is a comedy, BTW. In fact, as far as I know, everything Mr. Moore writes is, more or less, a comedy. But that works, since life is pretty funny.
The story is a rolicking ride through both San Francisco and the vampire myth. Virtually every aspect is explored, primarily from the standpoint of a fledgling vampire and her “ghoul”. But, we also get a look at the human condition and relationships and, yes, even a bit of sex. It’s all pretty light-hearted, of course, which is Mr. Moore’s style and, frankly, why I turned to him in my despair.

In short, this is a very fun, light, funny book that also has a deeper message about love, loss and life. Or, if you prefer, un-life. I cannot reccomend it enough. It’s the perfect antidote to the holiday blues!