Fantasist's Scroll

You know what “they” say….

And, just who are “they” after all? What makes them an authority? How do “they” get their message out? What channels tdo “they” use? Is what “they” say really true?
Well, I don’t know about any of that, but now, you can decide for yourself! That’s right, you can actually create “them” and their nefarious plot. No matter what you may have heard, conspiracies aren’t born, they’re made. And, you can make them! A new show over at TechTV focuses on nothing but conspiracy theories and the nutjobs that come up with them. Well, they thought the general public might like the chance to invent their very own conspiracy theory, so, they put up a guide on how to do it.

While it is fun all by itself, the steps involved are perfect for creating a dastardly plot for your villian to carry out against your hero. And, I hope, it will stimulate some creativity, as well.
Enjoy!

Let’s make some history!

I love timelines. They’re a great way to summarize history and a wonderful way to stimulate sociological creativity.
Using timelines to outline historical development is a technique I first saw discussed in Dragon Magazine as a way to make the game world more “real”. The writer used it to great effect in an example from a post-apocalyptic game called Gamma World. He sketched out a timeline that made a small tribe seem more three-dimensional because they had a history. I think a lot of culture is history, or, perhaps a lot of culture is the result of history.

In any case, I’ve messed around with timelines for some time. In my search for ideas, I came across a little program that would, given a few parameters, generate a timeline for you. Sure, it was random and simple, but it had enormous potential for creativity. So, of course, I had to steal it. Well, at least, “co-opt” it. So, now, I have a simple, web-based version available for free.
Y’all enjoy the new Timeline Generator.

Can an artist do more than survive?

I’ve often wondered if I could survive as an artist. Of course, I’ve often wondered if I am an artist at all. But, once upon a midnight dreary, I was a fairly good writer. I had a sense of the art that’s involved with writing. In fact, I think I turned out a fairly good piece, or two, that could have sold. Ah, and therein lies the rub, “could have sold”. If I’d kept submitting them, or reworked them again and again, or just wrote more, something “could have sold”. Instead, crass commercialism took over instead and I focused on making money. That took me into another field altogether. In fact, it lead me to get a technical certification and dive deep into the uncharted waters of IT industry. And, my art, such as it was, suffered for it.

So, during one holiday dinner, as I sat in a cold-medicine and Scotch haze, listening to relatives, mostly my wife’s family, chatter away about their lives and careers, I began to wonder why my professional life had become somewhat “lack-luster”. I found myself wondering what would have happened if I’d only followed through on the promise of my writing. Would I have become a Clive Barker? Or, a Frank Herbert? Somehow, I doubt it. But, still, I might have made a living at it. Mightn’t I? I mean, can one actually make a living at writing if one is not a Clive Barker or a Michael Crighton? Is it even possible? I’d like to think so, but I’m afraid that it’s not.
I think that is the pipe-dream that fed so many of us as we sat in our English classes or read Interview with a Vampire or did whatever we did that set us dreaming of literary greatness. But, honestly, I don’t think it’s possible anymore. I don’t think that a normal person living in our possession-oriented society could actually be satisfied with a writer’s salary. Maybe a Buddhist monk, but not a normal American boy like me.

But, you know, I think I’ll keep trying. Why? Because it sure beats the alternatives!

This is for all you Monty Python fans…

Someone with way, way too much time on their hands has answered the timeless question “How fast can an unladen swallow fly?” Now, if you’ve seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you know that this is the question asked of the rather rude Frenchman when he insisted that the coconut which hit King Arthur on the head was dropped by an African Swallow. Of course, it doesn’t matter since such a small bird cannot possibly carry something as heavy as a coconut. What?! You doubt me?!? Well, your aunties smell of elderberries!!

It’s here!

Good or bad, biometrics has hit the retail markets. I’m not talking about those keyboards that have a thumbprint reader to unlock your PC either. I mean that there are retail establishments that are testing pay-by-thumbprint, right now! There’s an entry on Slashdot that has links to both the good, and the bad, side to this technology. Frankly, it’s the dark side that I find the most interesting.
Ever seen Minority Report? If not, you need to see it for just this. Picture being tracked through a shopping mall via biometrics, with advertising targeted to you and calling you by name. To borrow an overused marketing phrase, it’ll take spamming to a “whole new level”. Ubiquitous computing? Forget that. Ubiquitous advertsing. That’s a more likely scenario by far. I shudder at what this will do to our world. And, I can already see a steep rise in amputation related crimes. You thought identity theft was bad in our time? Wait until people are stealling thumbs!

(And, yes, I posted this on my other blog first.)

A whistling language?

Sure, why not! Not too long ago, someone on one of the many conlang e-mail lists I’m on started talking about a whistle-based language. I have to admit, I thought it was quite intriguing. I started to picture a bird-like race that might have developed such a language. In fact, I thought that someone had finally come up with a unique, new idea for a conlang. Nope.
At least, not according to this article on CNN.com. It seems there’s a whistle language that’s existed for quite some time in the Canary Islands. Unfortunately, it’s a language that’s started to die off already. But, on the bright side, the government is working at preserving it. In fact, they’ve gone so far as to require lessons in it in their schools in an attempt to preserve this highly unusual language. The article also mentions the “First International Congress of Whistled Languages” which also brought in experts in whistled languages found in Greece, Turkey, China and Mexico.
Just goes to show, I guess, that nothing we can imagine is so alien that it can’t exist! Let that be a lesson to you aspiring writers out there as you invent languages, and worlds, for your fiction!!

I see a disturbing trend…

I spent a little too much quality time on a conlang BBS this week. Well, it’s not a real BBS, but it’s one of those new-fangled, PHP-based web-BBS things. I hate them. I much, much prefer the old-fashioned e-mail list or newsgroup.
Anyway, I got all wrapped up in a discussion about the virtues, or lack thereof, in automated word generators. It started with someone reccomending my old generator, which is really based on code from Chris Pound. Well, someone complained that it would be nice to be able to specify the phonology of the words to be generated. So I worked for several months at PERL and finally coded up my Conlang Wordmaker, which will look really familiar to people who have used Langmaker. Well, when I posted that, it sparked a number of things, but one person made the comment that they “damn well would never use a word generator” to make their conlang. Well, that sort of irritated me. And, when I get irritated before my morning coffee, I tend to type rather sharp replies.

But, sharp replies aside, what’s wrong with using a word generator? I mean, a piece of beautiful furnature that was assembled with power tools isn’t any less beautiful, is it? Is something done by hand, in the slowest, hardest way possible, inherently more worthy of praise? I don’t think so, but apparently quite a few conlangers do seem to think so. And, as I’ve poked around the web, it seems to be a sentiment that conlang people in general have taken to be a Universal Truth. But, why?

I think it’s because so many of them are, or were, linguists or linguistics students. Academia is anchored to a rigid system of learning that tends to insist people follow certain patterns. I have a college degree, but most of what I know that I truly prize, I learned on my own far, far away from a classroom. I think far outside the box that academia tends to force scholarship into. For instance, in learning things like PERL, I learned that whichever way works, is a good enough way. Sure, there may be other ways, but if it works, it’s good enough way. So, too, in my “day job”. I manage servers in a corporate envrionment, so I often don’t have time to find the “best” way. I have to make it work, usually on a budget, quickly. I apply that maxim everywhere in my life.
So, how does that relate to conlanging? Well, I’m not really too hung up on phonology or morphology. I don’t care to spend hours upon hours making a rigid, highly technical scheme of phonology and morphology. It matters more to me how the language sounds. If I’m looking for something that sounds a little bit like Cantonese as spoken by a Polyneasean, what difference does it make how the words are formed? All that matters is that I get my end result, a conlang that sounds right.

I’m not in favor of form over function. I never have been. For most things, I’d rather it get done quick and dirty than never get done at all. So, I’m in favor of using whatever tools get the job done for a conlang. I don’t care if you steal words from a natural language and “mutate” them into a new conlang. Do whatever it takes to make a language that adds that realism to your fiction! What matters isn’t the process, but the art that you create!

Asian History for Sale!

According to this article on Time.com, local villagers are raiding tombs and selling their ill-gotten gains to the highest bidder! They seem to feel that it’s okay to trade their heritage for a few Western conveniences and toys. How sad, really. But, that’s their culture, so who am I to judge?
In any case, it was an interesting article. It sparked some ideas for stories about modern tomb raiders and grave robbers. Possibly even some modern horror stories or ghost stories, or even just an adventure story or two. Might make some cool movies! I hear Thailand is pretty this time of year…